Thursday January 9th- Thursday is where everything took a turn, not necessarily for the worst, but it's where I got desperate. Wednesday I got no sleep, ended up in the bath tub for about 5 hours because it was the most comfortable I could be. All I could do was moan loudly during each contraction, still coming every 7 minutes with no break and no decrease in time in between.
Thursday we closed the curtains in the basement and put on movies and TV, pausing it every 7 minutes while I had contractions. I was loosing the ability to function at this point. No sleep since Monday evening and no break from 7 minute contractions in about 3 days. (I look back at this and realize how crazy this was). I tried sitting on the birth ball but that was painful, S tried taking a sheet and lifting my hips; sending me into painful contractions leaving me crying in the fetal position on the floor. Nothing seemed to work to help with the pain or help in flipping the baby. At this point, our doula got called into another birth. Seriously? We were now paired with a back up doula, but I had hopes that by the time I was in transition, my original doula would be free again.
Pure exhaustion hit and S was concerned. We decided Thursday afternoon to go for the Ambien. I was absolutely desperate at this point. I remember begging for someone to help me, to do something. I couldn't take it anymore, it had gone on too long. I took the Ambien and S got settled in for a nap, it was nap time in our house, except.... Ambien. didn't. do. anything. I was able to "rest" in between contractions, but that's about it. We were starting to grow really concerned with the fact I had not gotten sleep, which was making the pain of the contractions almost unbearable, however I was still hoping for a natural birth at this point. That's when we decided going to the hospital for Morphine sleep was the best idea, and almost last option for sleep at this point. The back up doula met us at the hospital, where I was admitted for observation and sleep only, then the plan was to go home well rested and flip the baby and fly into labor.
I was hooked up to an IV, one intervention I was hoping to avoid, but they needed it when giving Morphine. The doula and S were all comfortable in pull-out beds ready for some sleep, but then the time came and went and I didn't sleep, not even a little. The morphine literally had no effect on me. How is that possible!? We waited and waited for it to take effect and nothing. Who takes morphine with no effect?
An attending physician heard about my case and suggested a temporary bolus (not continuous) of an epidural. Up to this point, I was very much against getting an epidural for various reasons, but again desperate times call for desperate measures, so I agreed to the epidural.
The plan was again to do a bolus through the epidural and let my body rest, then go home. The anesthesiologist came in and prepped me. What happened next was unexpected. The severe debilitating pain I felt radiating down one side of my body made me hysterical, I screamed and cried and begged for him to stop. He didn't stop, nor did he explain what was happening. S said it was one of the worst experiences to watch, no one was able to do anything but wait until it was over. He left and I lay in bed shaken up, just to realize that the epidural only took to ONE side of my body. I could still feel EVERY contraction. Oh my god, this couldn't be happening. At this point, I wished for sedation and a c-section (if you know me, you know how out of character this is for me). I felt tortured and out of energy.
At this point we had been at the hospital about 12 hours, still with no rest or pain relief. The doula, S, and I decided it would be best to go back home and with the help of the doula flip the baby. I had a protein shake and got a second (or 75th wind) and decided we just had to plow through this and get it done at home, forget sleep, it was not going to come. The midwife came in to check my progress and realized I was 5.5-6cm dilated, which was a point where she could no longer let me go home. I was now admitted in labor. Fuck. Every time we came up with a plan, someone came along and shat on it.
At this point, I was still with the back up doula who only expected to come in for morphine sleep. Sucks for her, she was stuck with me for the long haul. It was time to flip the baby and kick the labor into gear. I put normal clothes on and did some various painful exercises with the doula in hopes to flip the baby. These moves left me crying and out of breath, but was hopeful they would move this dumb babies head to a better position. We walked and labored in the halls and then labored in the tub and shower; that's when my original doula showed up and the two were able to both work with me.
 |
| breathing through the contractions |
I'm not sure how much time had lapsed at this point, but S says I was laboring in the hospital for a good portion of the day, around 6 hours. He says it was one of the most stressful aspects to continue to watch me suffer. Then the midwife came in and said because I was progressing (dilation-wise) so slowly that they would need to start pitocin (yet another intervention I wanted to avoid). She said because my uterus had been contracting for so many days, I was at risk for hemorrhage. I knew that pitocin brings contractions on hard and fast and I wasn't sure if my body or mind, or my husbands for that matter, could take it unless I had another epidural.Normally when you have a birth plan that revolves around a natural intervention-free labor, your doula will try and get you through the labor naturally, even when you ask for an epidural. At this point, they were both in agreement that an epidural was necessary, no one argued. Luckily, there was a new anesthesiologist working and she was fabulous and walked me through each step and was able to avoid the large hematoma that the last anesthesiologist left on my spine. When she was done, she asked how many contractions I had felt... Contractions? Oh glorious god, this epidural worked on both sides of my body.
Finally I could rest. Pitocin was started and the midwife promised to leave me alone for about 2 hours so that my body could take time and start to progress. S is overwhelmed at this point and decides to get some fresh air and food while I settle in.
About 30 minutes go by when my midwife and an OBGYN walk into the room...
**At some point we rolled into Friday morning...**
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