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| large Marge full on sex appeal. |
1. Raspberry leaf tea- this is supposed to be a uterine toner, and since my personal trainer in the gym doesn't work on toning my uterus, this magic tea does. It may also cause the major poops, but again totes worth it. Tastes like a very neutral tea, I just add some sugar and sip away feeling my uterus getting slim and toned as we speak.
2. walking, walking and more walking- Since it's winter in Chicago and the roads can be full of slop, this is a precarious activity for any wobble bobble preggo, but you gotta get at it. I start out walking all motivated and in shape, and then about half a block and I'm legs wide open into a pregnant wobble. This is because the movement of walking forces babies head down into your pelvis to face press onto your cervix, which feels like terrible. At times I'm not convinced one of her little arms has fallen out of my cervix hole.This combined with the fact that you're carrying 20+ pounds in a central area leads to a wobble plus a huff and puff, most likely with a wince on your face from the cervix poking. Have I sold you yet on the walk? Hold hands with your partner to make it ultra romantic.
3. Acupuncture- There's a place in Chicago that specializes in acupuncture for fertility and pregnancy related issues, and they also have a acupuncture package to induce labor. Bingo bango sign me up. Never had acupuncture before, so not really sure how it works. I'm assuming they stick the needles into your vag, which upsets everyone and boom, baby born! But I could be wrong... I'll have to let you know.
4. Foods- The husband is all "eat your spicy food!" and trying to kill me slowly I'm certain. I am not a spicy food eater and I'm pretty sure he's trying to dump some damn hot sauce on my cereal in the morning. This could go horribly wrong. Eating spicy foods while this preggo sounds like barfing and crying up hot sauce for like a day and no labor, or better yet barfing and pooping hot sauce DURING labor, yeah that sounds like a fiesta. We'll see, maybe I'll attempt this. Eggplant also apparently makes your uterus push a baby out, so large eggplants I shall have. Get ready hubs, you're about to eat 3 meals a day of eggplant Parmesan!
5. Birth ball- Really this is just an exercise ball used in the gym that then preggos bounce on and call it a birth ball. I was told to use this at work and bounce on it, some people's water have broken doing that. A few things, I'm surprised I haven't flung myself off of it and onto the floor. Two, you look like you're doing some preggo sex toy in your office... just remember to smile and wave as people slowly walk by your office. You don't have your own office? Well then using this bouncy ball in public will most likely get your arrested.
6. Sex- vomit comit. move on.
7. Castor oil- ummmm. yeah I don't think so. This isn't recommend anymore because mom's pooped their life away and also the baby slid out, but mainly preggos shit their brains out. I'll stick to my poop tea.
8. oh yes how could I forget, nipple stimulation- I tried this in the tub one day and was like "WTF, this doesn't work" after I gave myself a titty twister for a minute. Then I read more about this nipple stimulation and you have to do it for like 20 minutes! Holy crap, I can barely do anything for 20 minutes and now I have to tug on my nipples? We'll see... I'll try the others on the list first, then get to a day of titty twisters.
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| demonstrating correct positioning for use of Snoogle |
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