the aunt came to town in time for Avi's first birthday

Yeah, I'm going to talk about it.


First period post-partum. It's worth talking about. Not because it's awesome and cool and so exciting to get after almost TWO years without it, but because like everything else post-partum, it's different and hilarious and gross.

I feel ya.

I am one of the cool people that feel ovulation. Yeah, that's right. I can feel when that stupid ripe egg bursts out of it's shell and down my pipes, or whatever actually happens. (shockingly, I have taken advanced Anatomy and Physiology. Meh. Oh well). So I knew last week when I had the dabilitating pain that Avielle was going to give me the gift of my period for her first birthday. Yay!

First of all, the first period post-partum can either be cramptactular or cramp-less. I have been blessed with cramp-less, however I think it's because my uterus is all "hell nah, we are tired, fat, lazy and loose from labor, we're good."

The downside is that, prior to baby, chicks get their periods and sit on the couch and stuff their faces with bon-bons and watch re-runs of the Bachelor. What's that? Oh, you eat salads and still hit the gym when your aunt visits town? We can't be friends.

Now, I have to pull it together to keep this little human alive, and miss Avielle gives no craps about her mama feeling like death. Ugh. That little human is also a walking-teething mess, which means she has to come everywhere with  mom, including the bathroom.

Did you ever think you'd be holding little hands out of the toilet while putting a tampon in? No, no you did not. That is the disgusting difference with your new mom life. Blech. How do you keep that little human happy for a second to get your shit together? Hand her a tampon of her own and boom, becomes a teething toy. Disgusting, but buys me like 1.35 minutes of quiet.

Also, your preiod makes your breastmilk supply tank. My pump is just laughing at me now. Apparently it also makes your milk taste like yuck and your precious bundle of joy will push your boob away and act like you are feeding them day old garbage.

Nothing says HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY like mama returning to fertility.

EXACTLY.